This is the eulogy that my cousin Ang and I wrote and presented in tribute to our beloved Gran at her funeral on the 26th June 2013. She passed away a week earlier on the 19th June in Melbourne after a short illness that she fought head on with a level of determination, hope and selflessness that I can barely fathom. Gran was amazing, right to the very end of her wonderful life. She was the inspiration behind my decision to record her father Jim Cowey's story and Gran's example will continue to inspire me and spur me on until it is completed.
I will always miss you, Gran. I will always love you. XOXOXOXO
Summer:
We are here to celebrate
the life of our Gran, Marj. It was so lovely to hear the reflections
from her family just now. It's not at all surprising that Marj was
loved so deeply and so dearly by us all. But what is surprising is
just how much she fit into her life, the things she achieved and
experienced and how rich her life was. Marj was a person who quietly
went about things, and we hope today to shed some light on her time
on Earth.
Marj lived in the
Mallee for the majority of her life and was so at home here,
some may actually not know she was born in Melbourne. She came into
the world on the 26th May 1921, and she was nearly born in a
Melbourne icon. Marj said her mother was travelling by tram when she
went into labour and things were moving along rather quickly.
Apparently Marj's mother was quite close to delivering right there
and then, even as the tram lurched and dinged along Flemington Road
that late autumn day. But her mother was able to get to hospital in
time, avoiding a public birth!
It may surprise most
of you to learn that Marj was actually a fourth cousin to the Queen,
through the Queen mother's family. But more importantly to Marj, she
was the eldest daughter of Annie and Jim Cowey. She was born after
her elder brother, who died when he was 15 days old, but Marj was
always “the eldest”. The Cowey family lived at a little home at
George's Road in The Patch in the Dandenong Ranges. In time, Marj
would be joined by her siblings Meg, Jim, Dave, Joan and Bruce. They
all lived together on an 18 acre farm that produced market produce
such as apples and berries, and a wide variety of vegetables and
fruit they would eat themselves or barter for other goods. They also
had cows, chickens, horses and pigs, as well as pets.
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Gran far right |
Marj's earliest memory
was as a tiny girl sat upon her father's knee. She would place her
little fist in a deep hole in her father's forearm, a scar from a
severe gunshot wound he received at Gallipoli. Marj would sleep in
this position, feeling secure in his arms. She also remembered him
crying out in the middle of the night when his dreams haunted his
sleep. His war service affected the whole family.
|
Gran (L) and her sister Meg holding Young Jim |
Marj and her siblings all
went to school at Kallista, 2 ½ miles from The Patch. The children
would walk to and from school everyday, rain, hail or shine. The
girls would take the direct route while the boys always went the back
way, getting up to mischief and almost always facing the strap when
they turned up to school late. Marj said the girls wouldn't let her
play basketball due to what they saw as her unfair height advantage,
so she had to join in with the boys and play cricket. In addition to
the 3Rs and sport, Kallista students would participate in outdoor
education: the boys would grow vegetables, while the girls would grow
flowerbeds.
|
Gran (L), Dave, Meg, Joan and Bruce. Love the piglets! |
It was her early years at school, and at home on the
farm, that Marj's love for nature and the outdoors was born. You can
understand why when you visit the Dandenongs and see how beautiful it
is with it's
towering Mountain Ash and tree
ferns underneath. The forest was alive with the calls of kookaburras
and the gurgling of streams rushing through the gullies and it really
was an idyllic place to grow up and explore. When she was 12, Marj
wrote in to the junior pages of The Argus newspaper. She told a
story of when she dropped some bread near a dam and a frog jumped out
quickly joined by ½ a dozen more. Some days on the walk home from
school Marj and the kids would visit their cousins and play but if
they were home later than 5 o'clock they would miss out on tea. They
quick soon cottoned-on to this punishment and filled their school
bags with apples beforehand. But if their father went out to a
meeting, their mother Annie would sneak a meal to her children.
Other days Marj would carry home a Hessian bag of bones from the
butcher and they would scrape the meat off them to make a meal, as
they did not have very much meat to eat. But Marj always considered
her family lucky. During the depression years they had the food they
had grown themselves to survive, where others did not.
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L-R: Meg, Joan, Bruce, Gran, David and Young Jim |
After school, Marj put
her own prospects aside to support and work as a partner on her
father's farm at The Patch. It is true that without her labour, the
farm would not have ran, as her father could not manage it alone with
his post-WW1 issues. Quite literally he would down tools and go
bivouac in the hills for days on end, attempting to protect his
family from the Germans he thought were lurking there. Marj was the
consistent worker who kept the farm ticking over for the family. As
the younger ones grew they too would take on work. But Marj carried
a particularly heavy burden without complaint. The famous author
Jeannie Gunn who wrote “We of the Never Never” was a Cowey family
friend. She fought on behalf of the family to receive a larger
pension from the Army and in her submission described Marj as a “fine
self-sacrificing girl” who was effectively doing all the heavy work
on the farm herself.
|
Gran in the Land Army |
Marj, like her father and
brothers, actively served her country during WW2. She wasn't able to
join the Navy which was her first choice, and she tried to join the
Army at Victoria Barracks but she was referred to the Women's Land
Army. She enlisted and ended up working on farms for two years
during WW2, replacing the man power lost due to the men fighting
overseas. Her first deployment was at Holt's farm in Sale where Marj
was responsible for maintaining 20 pigsties but also other jobs like
treating any flyblown sheep. She was then assigned to a dairy farm
at Heyfield. Marj quick soon realised that she didn't like milking
cows. She deliberately took her time at the job and her Manager
quipped “It will be time to start milking again by the time you've
finished this lot!!”. But her strategy worked and she was put in
charge of scrubbing the cream cans instead of milking. She had a
horse at this farm called “Major” and she dearly loved the
animal.
It was during her last placement at an orchard in Pakenham
that she heard some terrible news. Her brother Jim, who was serving
in the RAAF No. 18 NEI Squadron, was missing, presumed dead, when his plane was shot down
by the Japanese over Indonesia. Before the war and throughout their
childhood, Jim and Marj were very close. They used to go out often
and together they attended light opera productions at the Princess
Theatre or the Plaza in Melbourne's CBD, where Marj remembered the
ladies used to hang their shawls over the balconies while they
enjoyed the show. Jim was a special sibling and friend to Marj and
his death came as a heavy blow to her.
After WW2, Marj travelled
to England and ended up living there for 2 ½ years. She went over
as a chaperone to a young English girl who was sent to Australia
during the war, but was not happy when this girl ditched her at the
docks in favour of a young man who was waiting for her. Marj should
have looked up her 4
th cousin, but instead she visited the
family of a penpal. Marj found work mainly as a kitchen hand to earn
a means to get by, but in her time off would visit the English
branches of her family and she also enjoyed the opening night of “The
Merry Widow”. Marj was called home again to help her father on the
farm in 1947. On the journey back to Australia, her ship stopped at
Port Said where she ate sweetbreads and had her first taste of native
coffee. She later took in the Botanical Gardens at Colombo where she
was struck by the number of beggars with crippled legs.
Once settled back in
Australia, her sister Meg asked Marj to travel up north to make her
wedding dress. Meg was teaching in the Pier Milan School and was
about to marry Harry McErvale. It while she was in the Mallee that
Marj met her future husband Allan Stacey. Allan was from Myall, west
of Sea Lake, and he owned a block of land in the area but also lived
with the McErvale family for a time. Not long after Marj and Allan
met, for some reason Marj decided she was going to relocate to Sea
Lake. She found a steady job at Lamara's Cafe in town, and we have
heard reports that Allan quick soon become a regular customer!
In
1950, Marj and Allan married at the The Patch and their wedding was
the first in the new church there.
Marj made a particularly grand
entrance, one that made the pages of The Sun newspaper. The wedding
car couldn't make it up the hill after a heavy rain and the
congregation had to push the car up to the church so she could meet
her sweetheart at the altar.
After their honeymoon in the Spa
Country at Daylesford, Marj and Allan made a home together farming at
Sea Lake. Together they would have 2 children: Marjorie Jean and
Kenneth Allan.
|
The Stacey family |
Ang:
Gran was always a very
hard worker, an outdoors woman. She was involved in all aspects of
farm life at Sea Lake. She would help out around the paddocks, in
the sheep yards and manage the bookwork. Along with this, she also
made delicious lunches and smoko for the shearers, bringing the
bounty down to the shearing shed in her large basket, dressed in her
boots, work pants, blouse and wide brimmed hat, most times with her
apron on.
Mum has fond memories of
the amazing flowers Gran grew, especially in the early days at the
farm. The sights and smells of her freesias, daffodils, annuals,
stocks and bulbs - many influences from the Dandenongs – were
something to behold. Gran would thoughtfully pick a posy of flowers
when they were at their best and give them to her family or friends
when she dropped in to visit.
Gran and Dar have always
been avid gardeners, dedicating about ½ acre to their vegie patch.
There were more than 15 varieties of fruit trees and vines, along
with over 30 different seasonal crops, including sunflowers and
peanuts. It was like a market garden, the fruit and vegetables it
yielded were incredible. As grandkids we used to walk along the huge
branches of the mulberry tree picking the berries for Gran’s
kitchen, returning with purple feet, hands and mouths! We loved to
sample the produce, learn about the growing processes and play in
Gran's hothouse, the dirt scraping under the sliding door. Gran would
propagate plants, raise seedlings and always have a cutting in water
on the window sill. She liked to shared her crop with others,
sending people home with fresh, stewed or preserved fruit and
vegetables to enjoy.
At the heart of the
Stacey family home was Gran's kitchen. Jars crowded every available
surface to preserve all her fruit, jams and pickles. There would
always be something on the stove or in the oven. Her lamb stew with
pearl barley, boiled fruit cake, stewed fruit and custard, raspberry
slice and the famous “Willie cake”, are all warm reminders of
Gran. She would always have the radio playing in the kitchen- in the
early years it was the sound of the serial “Blue Hills” that Mum
and Uncle Ken remember, The Country Hour was sacred and all the
reports were listened to intently. More recently Gran and Dar
listened to Macca on Sunday mornings, and the cricket and footy were
always of interest, especially when Sydney Swans were playing.
|
After we placed a plaque on Gran's father Jim Cowey's grave in Sea Lake in 2010. With siblings Joan and Dave and 39th Battalion veterans Alan Moore, Harry Barkla, Peter Holloway, Don Daniels, John Akhust and George Cops.
I'm glad I got to share this day with Gran and the 39th! |
Gran was so interested in
things – her knowledge was wide and varied on so many topics. As a
child it felt like you could ask Gran anything and she’d know the
answer – like the nesting habits of birds or how to tie a certain
knot? This knowledge was gained from her personal life experiences
and also her love of reading and writing. There were always piles of
reading material in the lounge. She was an avid reader and
subscriber to the Readers Digest, Australian Geographic, farming
journals, Weekly Times and various craft series. Gran was a great
letter writer, enjoying correspondence from 22 penfriends over the
years, including Catherine Rothchild from America, Ruth Cowey in
Texas and Grace in England. One was unable to speak English but that
didn’t stop Gran writing and learning more about different
cultures, with the help of an interpreter. All of these things
contributed to Gran’s vast knowledge. Only a few weeks ago when
visiting Gran, she could instantly recall the quantities and tips for
making quince jam, and that Melbourne cup was the perfect time to
plant pumpkins. Gran was like a walking encyclopaedia with her
knowledge on all things plants, sewing, cooking, preserves, craft,
well, most things really.
|
Handmade gifts from Gran to treasure |
Gran was very skilful
when it came to handicrafts. She encouraged us grandkids to learn
these skills – craft, leatherwork, knitting, carpentry, patchwork
and sewing. I remember Gran helping us make rag dolls when we
visited, then stitching little clothes for them to wear. She even
helped us make patchwork curtains for the cubby house. There were
grey camp blankets, edged, with our initials on them; matching
tracksuits when we were little and ‘quillows’ as we grew older.
Gran even sewed Mum’s first pair of bras! There were always bits
of material around that we could make something with.
Gran was heavily involved
with local community work. She was an active member of the Country
Women’s Association (CWA) and was secretary of the local branch of
the Victorian Farmers Union during some tough farming years (and was
also the only female member). Gran and Dar were key members of the Sea
Lake Croquet Club – investing countless hours as umpires, players,
and administrators – at various levels of competition. They would
always encourage the younger generations to learn the game they
loved.
|
Son Ken in Cub uniform at The Patch |
Gran played a pivotal
role in the Girl Guides movement, being a local guide leader and
District Commissioner. She would regularly drive guides and leaders
to meetings and help organise and attend Jamborees. Gran would
prepare lots of equipment for camps, help new girls with uniforms,
spend hours measuring and organising drop sheets, ropes, and kit bags
in preparation for camps. Uncle Ken and Mum were very active in the
Cub, Scouts and Guiding movements due to Gran’s involvement and
encouragement.
Both Gran and Dar would see to it that Mum and Uncle
Ken could travel to the Jamborees but also go on family trips to
places like Wyperfield National Park to practice their outdoor skills
and explore nature. As a family, they would also holiday every year
visiting places of interest all over Victoria. Usually the holiday
would last a couple of weeks, and they would always end their trips
at The Patch where the caravan was parked under the cherry plum trees
and they spent time with their extended family. A more recent
highlight for Gran and Dar was travelling to Darwin and also an
overseas trip to New Zealand where they had a wonderful holiday
together touring all around the country and bringing home a mountain
of photos to share the trip.
|
Gran and her brother and sisters Dave, Joan and Meg. |
In later years Gran and
Dar joined the Sea Lake Senior Citizens Club. They found particular
enjoyment in performing with the all-singing, all-dancing
‘EverGreens’. It’s not everyday you have a 6 foot,
green-legged dancing leprechaun on stage performing with a Cheshire
cat grin – but that was our Gran! She really enjoyed being jovial
and having a good time.
|
The famous Leprechaun! |
|
Gran playing the Squatter in one of her many performances! |
Gran had a strong belief
in God and was a faithful servant throughout her life. She cared
about people and raised their concerns to make their lot better in
life. Gran was a lay preacher and was a regular participant in bible
discussion groups. Gran and Dar enjoyed going to the annual Sea Lake
family church camp in Halls Gap, continuing to attend right up until
last year. This was a special time catching up with the wider church
family. Gran enjoyed the company of the young in age and the young
at heart, equally. It wasn’t uncommon to see Gran sitting at the
tables at Norval playing Rummikub, doing a jigsaw puzzle or teaching
one of the young ones how to knit. She enjoyed the songs, the
discussions, the beautiful scenery and the friendships.
|
Gran & Dar holding hands during a hike at Halls Gap, on Church Camp. |
In 2007, Gran and Dar
sold the farm and relocated to Swan Hill.
|
Gran & Dar with 2 of their great grandies: my children Aidan and Aoife |
|
Another great grandie Sierra |
Gran continued to be
involved in community activities joining the Swan Hill Uniting
Church, the Croquet Club, the Trefoil Guild and the ‘Book Worms’
craft group. Friends from these associations enjoyed Gran’s
fellowship, listening to her stories and sharing a laugh.
It’s been lovely this
past week being close with family and reflecting on Gran’s life.
Equally lovely has been the number of people who have phoned, sent
flowers, or stopped me in the streets of Sea Lake to pass on their
condolences and tell me what an amazing woman Gran was. Even years
after moving from the farm, people up and down the street speak
fondly of ‘Marj’ and all that she is.
|
Gran with Ang, Me (holding Aoife), Rose, Cherz (blond) and Ash - all her granddaughters |
We are all influenced by
strong people in our lives, and Gran has been a constant inspiration
for her family. Given the social expectations of women in her era,
it is important to appreciate how unique Gran was. Her belief in
herself and her capabilities has shaped how we, as her descendants
view ourselves; her traits are something that future generations can
aspire to. Gran was an amazing person - she was interesting,
selfless, authentic, showing integrity and faithfulness. She was
determined and showed perseverance and had a cheeky sense of humour.
If more people were as interested in the good things in life, like
Gran, the world would be a better place for future generations.
Teach your kids and grandkids life skills, tell them stories about
the ‘old days’, challenge their thinking, encourage them to be
the best that they can be - because these are the gifts from Gran
that we’ll cherish forever.
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60th Wedding Anniversary: Allan and Marj reunited with their wedding party (sister Joan and best man Bill) in 2010 |
Summer:
We could never mention
every aspect of her life today, but we were all so blessed to have
Marj, our Gran, in our lives.
|
About to plant a kiss on Dar! |
Whether she was by your side each and
every day for over 62 years as your rock and soulmate, or whether she
was the most loving, caring Mother a child could hope for; whether
she was a Gran who was interested and interesting to her brood of
grandies, or as a dear, thoughtful friend to so many, Marj, Gran, has
made a lasting impression on us all.
You may remember a touch,
a kiss, a cuddle, a smile, a sparkle in her eye, a voice at the end
of the telephone, a laugh, a pat on the arm, a letter in the postbox,
a friendly chat in the street, a kind gesture. Gran was
community-minded, compassionate, generous, encouraging and kind. She
was strong, capable and hopeful. She was always loving, loyal and
utterly devoted to her family. Her faith and trust in God was
unshakable.
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A representation of Gran's life
|
It is with heavy hearts
we say goodbye to you, our darling Gran.
You are an enormous loss to
our family, but we thank God for your wonderful life.
Your legacy of
love will live on forever inside of us.
(PLEASE DO NOT USE ANY PHOTOS WITHOUT PERMISSION)